Friday’s Brain Cramps

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: “I would not
live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed
to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which
is why I would not live forever,” –Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA
contest.

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“Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I
can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with all
those flies and death and stuff.” –Mariah Carey

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“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your
life,” –Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal
anti-smoking campaign.

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“I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,” –Winston
Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

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“Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in
the country,” –Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

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“I’m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the
president.” –Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed
documents.

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“That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I’m
just the one to do it,” –A congressional candidate in Texas.

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“Half this game is ninety percent mental.” –Philadelphia Phillies manager,
Danny Ozark

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“It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in
our air and water that are doing it.” –Al Gore, Vice President

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“I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix.” –Dan Quayle

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“It’s no exaggeration to say that the undecided could go one way or
another” –George Bush, US President

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“We’ve got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?” –Lee
Iacocca

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“I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the
truth. I assisted in furthering that version.” –Colonel Oliver North, from
his Iran-Contra testimony.

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“The word ‘genius” isn’t applicable in football. A genius is a guy like
Norman Einstein.” –Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback &sports analyst.

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“We don’t necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of
people.” –Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

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“If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.” –Bill Clinton, President

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“We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur.” –Al Gore,
VP

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“Traditionally, most of Australia’s imports come from overseas.” –Keppel
Enderbery

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Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received
notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a
change in your circumstances.” –Department of Social Services, Greenville,
South Carolina

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“If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they
go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the
next morning, when they wake up dead, there’ll be a record.” –Mark S.
Fowler, FCC Chairman

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